I find this webpage, verywellhealth.com is such a great resource. I will put the link right below this.
Today I want to talk about MDD or Major Depressive Disorder. One of the hardest things about having mental health disorders is knowing you are not alone. Remind yourself that other people are suffering from the same things as you.
I have talked about my issues with PTSS, Depression, Anxiety, SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I have not touched on ADD, BiPolar II with depression, or General Anxiety Disorder. Yes, that is a long list of things that I deal with just in my mind. Over the years, I have learned more and more about them. Lots of therapy and research have helped me. One of my outlets has become writing this blog. I have to thank my brother, who got me started with it and told me to tell my story. Today is not about me.
One of my coworkers, a wonderful, amazing woman, recently posted a story following her grandmother’s death on her Facebook page. Her name is Nicole de Pedro. She has a story to tell. I have been given permission to share her feelings and a video she posted singing a song. She did a Dancing In The Sky cover – Dani and Lizzy (DANI AND LIZZY– YOUTUBE VIDEO). I have included a link to their youtube.
Now, I bring this up to show Nicole she is not alone and to show others who might be suffering from the same they are not alone.
Nicole de Pedro
Dancing In The Sky – Dani and Lizzy
Today, I felt irrational guilt about having depression and my grieving process. I know I’m not okay, but it’s very hard to feel over the medication and the depression itself. I felt guilty that for the amount of broken up I am about my Lola’s death, I can’t feel that pain and the tears stop short of coming out. I feel like my emotions are trapped in a room, and to this day, I can’t/won’t open/not allowed to open it for the fear of everyone else thinking I’m using my tears and pain to manipulate (part of the list of things said I will never forget), or maybe it’s the meds, or maybe being blunted by depression, or it’s all of those…annnddd all of that mess is why MDD is a mental illness.
The point is I’m a mess encased in an “I have it together/ I’ll take care of this” vessel. These words and singing are my workarounds to let the emotions I have out that my actions/face won’t show. I’m sorry for spamming your feed with my rants. I just need this at the moment.
Anyway, here’s a cover of Dancing In The Sky by Dani and Lizzy. I’m sure you’ve heard this from a thousand funerals, but it still conveys the feelings I’m sure all of us who have lost someone feels.Nicole de Pedro
Thank you Nicole for lending your beautiful voice, and feelings.
I have found one way to heal myself is to let others tell their story. Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to share it? Email me or leave me a comment in the guestbook.