When it’s all just too much

Hello Team!!!!

Its been a hot minute since I have posted on my blog. This girl has been extremely busy the past few weeks.

Home Sweet Home:

After 4 months of rehabilitation with my parents at the shore house. I was able to finally come home. I was not able to come home until I could perform ADL (Activities of Daily Living) on my own without any help. It took me just days short of the 4 month mark for me to be able to shower without help. I had to be able to cook, clean, dress…I think you get the picture. I also had to make an even bigger step and be able to drive without someone else in the car with me. That meant that I had to get my anxiety under control, and a handle on my PTSD. This is a continued work in progress. I have been able to accomplish the goals of “driving” to and from my job to home. I have been able to drive to just a few other places, doctors appointments, and most importantly I attended and drove myself to May AACC 2016 Graduation and Pinning Ceremony for Jessica and my other friends.

My solo driving experience, left me with a little anxiety, some screams and a few laughs.  This was going to be the first time since that day I would be driving home. It took me a longer than normal drive home, but I did it. I was so proud of myself. I had a line of cars behind me on RT 2 southbound abut 3 miles long (I’m very sorry for that day if you were stuck in the traffic) I pulled into my neighborhood, I knew that I could relax soon. I guess thats what I get for thinking anything would be “easy’ or “normal”.

I was not long after that I was hobbling up my front porch to my front door. I was about to unlock my door and stay the night in my own bed. I put down my bad and went to grab the handle of screen door. “oh thats right, that broke off during the blizzard” ok… no problem, “I’ll just add that to the list of “things to get fixed”. Little did I know that list would soon become very long…

The next thing that I noticed was that I now had two guard spiders now living in between my screen door and front door.

  • 2 Aragog sized spiders had decided to guard my house for me while I was gone. How nice of them…NOT!!  So after I screamed like I was being attacked and beat them both with my cane. Now, I had to decided, burn the house or continue into my house. I figured I would first  do a thorough visual inspection  I was able to put the key in the lock and open my door…
  • A colony of ants had decided that my house was good enough for me, it was good enough for them… so after yet another jump, I pushed the door, “ran” well I more limped and hobbled into the house to get the broom, dustpan and spray.
  • As I was dumping and shaking the rug and the ants, I noticed my “cleaning bucket” was filled with rain water, and moving…??? “misquotes, must be…well I can’t be responsible for the Zika virus outbreak in my neighborhood” so I gently went down the 4 steps and around the side of my porch and dumped the bucket of water in the grass…
  • BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM escaped my lips as I almost jumped from my skin, ‘Newt Scamander’ the little lizard that used to live along the side of my house, was DEAD. Newt used to tease the birds and cats around my house by running down the side of my house. Newt always was around when I would be coming in or out in the spring and summer. He never really bothered me as long as he stayed outside.
  • Now, I have battled, spiders, ants, mosquitos, and a dead lizard. Was this really a good idea to come home? Ok, I mean at this point what else could go wrong?
  • After doing a few things, I stood at my door looking at my house, smelling the staleness of it, feeling the loneliness and the overall sadness that my house was. Even my christmas cactus that I have kept alive longer than any other plant I have ever owned, was not looking good.
  • I sat in Steve’s chair, and burst into tears. The wave of emotion came crashing down on me. I was home, but alone. I was here, but alone. I was alive, but alone. I was still broken and alone.

I have had people say to me “oh, no!! What happens now?” Then give the look. I have had people say “you know Cheryle and Steve they just can’t catch a break…” I’ve had people say “why you?” I’ve had people say a lot of things like that to me, about me, and to other people.

I’ve had people say “you should write a book”. I’ve had people say “you should call Ellen, or Steve Harvey or Maury!” I’ve had people tell me to send emails telling our story. I’ve had people say “we should do this…” I’ve had people say…
I always seem to be able look for the bright side of life. I always say things like “I’ll figure it out…” “I’ll find a way to get it done” or

My favorite saying to say to people, “it’s just how things go with us, we’ll be ok eventually” or “I’m alive, steve is alive and that’s all that matters” I always smile and go on about my business.

I did not ask for all the the bad things that have happend to Steve and I. I have not asked for the life experiences that we are having to experience. I did not ask for my husband to have brain damage, and not be the person that he once was. I did not ask for my accident to change my life in such a drastic way. I did not ask for the black cloud that hangs over our heads.

I try to live a honest life. I live within the law, pay taxes, and be a good neighbor to my fellow humans.

I know what your thinking. I know what your going to say. “You did not ask for this” “keep your chin up” “stay positive” “perspective” or “your being a eyore” if your going to say that please save it!!

I have been sitting on an announcement for a little but. I wanted to make sure that I could really do it before I really made the public announcement. I have finally moved back to my home. It is a trial to see if I am able to do everything that I need to do without help. I am driving short distances to and from where I need to go when I am alone. If I have steve with me I will go to a few places other than mandatory work, PT and home. Steve is home with me for a few weeks help me transition to being fully alone again (I’ll explain that in another paragraph).

Being home has been bittersweet to say the least, we are both happy to be home and together but due to  a constant stream of broken AC, missing lawn service, refrigerator that is barely hanging on and the various little projects we are working on to get the house organized.

 

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