Today, I had a good day… I got to spend some time with my best friend; we got things checked off a list. I got to feel normal for the first time in 4 weeks…It felt wonderful, to be me again, doing what I do the best, being a student. It was for just a short time, but it felt really good. Monday I see the orthopedic surgeon and get the answers that I’ve been waiting on…
What is my biggest fear? My biggest fear is that I will loose my job. I only have 8 weeks of FMLA left…that is all. FMLA is simply for an employer to hold your position, nothing more. I am scared that the doctor will tell me, that now we need to do surgery, or now you need another 6-8 week before we can evaluate again, to see… that’s what I’m afraid of. What will I do? I need to be back on my feet in 8 weeks. That is my biggest fear, losing everything.
I can not imagine not having a job to go back too. This is not how my life is supposed to end up. I am supposed to be counting down to graduation, preparing for RN job interviews, ready to make the next big change in my life. I am not supposed to be taking it day by day, I am not supposed to be worrying about losing my job, or losing my home, or everything that I have worked for. I am not supposed to be worrying about how I am going to pay the bills next month, I am not supposed to be worrying about….all the things that I have worried about for the past 4 weeks.
Maybe it’s irrational, maybe it’s silly to think this way…It’s a harsh reality of life. I have worked so hard, I have sacrificed, put my life on hold, and in the blink of an eye, it could all be gone. I don’t want to loose everything that I have worked so very hard for, because of this accident. What will I do? I have practically killed myself the past 2 1/2 years while I have been working full-time night shift and going to nursing school.
I can do nothing, until Monday when I see the surgeon. I can only hope and pray…..