A new day…

Last year at this time, I was getting through Steve’s illness, praying every day for him to get better. I had made a mistake that cost me a semester of school, but I was able to see that I was where I needed to be. I was at his side 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I was able to work, and get my life in order. I could finally see the light, and the reason and the why… I had finally found peace for everything that had happened to me… I was on my way, to finally fulfilling my dreams. I could see the light at the end of this long tunnel.

Fast-forward twelve months…I cannot change what has happened to me. I cannot change the choice that I made that morning drive home on the country road. I cannot change the course of events that have now changed my entire life. I am alive; I am able to see another day.

I have been asked how I feel? I have been asked if I am angry? I have been asked all kinds of questions. I will say that yes I am angry. I am angry because in just 3 short months I should be standing alongside my best friend while we receive our Nursing pins. I am angry that in 3 short months I should be walking across the stage at graduation, earning the College degree that I have worked so hard for. I am angry that I should be applying for new grad positions and preparing to take my NCLEX exam. I should be ready to start classes for my next degree. I should be ready to welcome my husband home, and start the next chapter in our lives… So yes I am angry. I am allowed to be angry; I am allowed to be MAD.

I always look to the bright side of life. I am always looking at a situation and trying to see the positive side. I have been doing some soul searching the last few days and nights. What I have discovered is I will heal. I will return to school in the fall, and I will graduate in December. I know that I will fulfill my dreams, and I will be the Nurse that I am meant to be.

I am reminded of words that I wrote one year ago today:

Now the dust has settled, I can see the new horizon ahead. Yet again my view has changed, as I look out of a new window…

I have been juggling many things over the past 2 1/2 week…So many things have changed. It’s hard to believe, I still feel that I will wake from this nightmare and things will be as they should. I know that I can’t change what is not within my power to change.  I know that I cannot change what has been done…I can only move forward and hold my faith…

Take this as you will…Everyone will get something different from this…

 

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