A new day…

Last year at this time, I was getting through Steve’s illness, praying every day for him to get better. I had made a mistake that cost me a semester of school, but I was able to see that I was where I needed to be. I was at his side 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I was able to work, and get my life in order. I could finally see the light, and the reason and the why… I had finally found peace for everything that had happened to me… I was on my way, to finally fulfilling my dreams. I could see the light at the end of this long tunnel.

Fast-forward twelve months…I cannot change what has happened to me. I cannot change the choice that I made that morning drive home on the country road. I cannot change the course of events that have now changed my entire life. I am alive; I am able to see another day.

I have been asked how I feel? I have been asked if I am angry? I have been asked all kinds of questions. I will say that yes I am angry. I am angry because in just 3 short months I should be standing alongside my best friend while we receive our Nursing pins. I am angry that in 3 short months I should be walking across the stage at graduation, earning the College degree that I have worked so hard for. I am angry that I should be applying for new grad positions and preparing to take my NCLEX exam. I should be ready to start classes for my next degree. I should be ready to welcome my husband home, and start the next chapter in our lives… So yes I am angry. I am allowed to be angry; I am allowed to be MAD.

I always look to the bright side of life. I am always looking at a situation and trying to see the positive side. I have been doing some soul searching the last few days and nights. What I have discovered is I will heal. I will return to school in the fall, and I will graduate in December. I know that I will fulfill my dreams, and I will be the Nurse that I am meant to be.

I am reminded of words that I wrote one year ago today:

Now the dust has settled, I can see the new horizon ahead. Yet again my view has changed, as I look out of a new window…

I have been juggling many things over the past 2 1/2 week…So many things have changed. It’s hard to believe, I still feel that I will wake from this nightmare and things will be as they should. I know that I can’t change what is not within my power to change.  I know that I cannot change what has been done…I can only move forward and hold my faith…

Take this as you will…Everyone will get something different from this…

 

Crossing fingers….

Today is a day that needs some fairy dust. I am going to see my doctor for a full evaluation, to get a better understanding of my injuries. I also will be trying to see a orthopedic surgeon about my knee and ankle. I am saddened that the orthopedic that I have seen since I was in 4th grade no longer see’s trauma patients. I was referred to two other orthopedic surgeons on his office. I have done some research on them, crossing my fingers I pick the best one.

Today, I should be sitting for my first exam. I should be checking this box off, I should be getting ready for my second exam. I should be excited to be one step closer to being done….

I cannot change the path I’m on at this moment, I have to ride this to the end. I will stay positive, I will keep going, I will because I have too.

Sleeping is still so hard…

Sleep something that should come natural, but it’s just so hard for me. Since the accident, it’s even harder. I relive the moment over and over, or I if I am able to fall asleep I am jolted awake by the pain! As I am healing slowly, I have some injuries that will require more than just rest, ice and elevation. It’s those injuries that have me worried the most.  The other thing that keeps me from sleeping is the waves of nausea that hit me. I know it’s connected to my pain level and inability to sleep. It just hits me at the worst times.

What can you do to help?

One thing that people do know about me is that I am a person who does not like to ask for help. I always seem to find a way to solve whatever problem I have. Well this time I have a problem that I can’t fix without your help. I am unable to care for myself, work, or go to school until I am completely healed from the injuries that I sustained from the auto accident on January 30, 2016. I am in great need of help paying my bills. I am facing months of recovery that will prevent me from working, and earning a paycheck.

A gofundme page has been set up in my honor to help with medical expenses and so that I do not loose everything that I have worked so hard for. Any amount that you can give would be greatly appreciated. If you’re unable to give, please share this page.

Some people have asked me for a address to send donations directly to me, if you are interested in this please feel free to contact me and I will be more than happy to give it to you.

I would also like to thank everyone that has given so far.

Welcome to my world

Hello, and Welcome to my World!

This is a new adventure for me, and you are one of the first who has been invited to join my world. I have decided to start a blog of my life’s journey.  This way you can keep up with me, see the latest updates on my accident, see the latest updates on school, work, and life in general. You can also see what is happening with my little family.

When I was just a young little girl, one of my favorite Aunts used to call me Busy. She would say “that is the busiest child I have ever met” and so the name stuck. This stands true to this day, I am always busy, always have things to do, people to see, something to do, or someone who needs help.

I am the person, who even if I have only $1.00 to my name and you need money I will give you $0.50 if that would help you. I am the shoulder that people lean on, the ear that needs to listen, the one who will cry with you, and the one who will find a solution to whatever problem you have. I am the one who can keep the secret. I am often called in to fix phone problems, computer issues and pretty much anything in between. I am so many to so many people.

I always have something going on in my life. I have a wide network of people from all over the world that I have met along the way in my 38 years. It’s hard to keep up with everyone, so this is a start.

I have big ideas and plans for the future of this web page, but one thing at a time.

You may leave comments, questions, or updates of your own…

I hope you enjoy your visit!

 

Cheryle

 

I see the way you look at me…

I see the way you look at me. I see the fear in your eyes. I see the hurt on your face because it is a reflection of mine. I know that you are scared, you see me black, blue and broken. You see your whole world laying on the bed, you know how it was almost taken away. I see you want to hold me, tell me everything will be ok… I can hear the love in your voice when you tell me, you love me. I can feel the tenderness of your touch when you touch my bruises and breaks. I can feel the love in your heart as you kiss my forehead, and a tear rolls off your cheek onto mine. I can feel the love in your heart when you look deep into my eyes, they seem to be the only part of me that is not black, blue and broken. My eyes are the only part of me that you can see the “real” me.  I can feel the love you have for me, when you look at be before you leave, I can feel the helplessness you feel as you don’t know how to help me. I can see the hurt on your face when you try to move my legs, and I cry out in pain. I want you to know, that because of you, I am able to push through each day. It’s the love that we share that gives me the strength to keep going. I am the same, yet I am now forever changed. The woman you knew, is still here deep inside my soul, what you see on the outside is just an outer shell, it will heal. My markings of blue, black and purple will fade, the cuts and scabs will heal and only a small scar will remain. The bones will mend, the ligaments and tendons will too. My nightmares will stop, and my soul will heal… Please just remember that I love you, forever.

The flash of my life that went before my eyes had memories of you, places we have gone, jokes we share, our life together. It also included other things, other people, other places, other times, other memories…As I think about them now, I know still to this day, I would not change a thing. The life that we have is not rich, it is not glamorous, but it is ours. The memories that I have are mine to cherish.

All of the people, that helped to create the quilt of my life give it color, patterns, strength and  character. I am grateful to every square on my quilt, no matter how small or how big. If it was not for the all of the squares on my quilt of life, I would have no life at all…Each square tells a story, each story has a very specific memory attached to it.  Steve your squares are the biggest, boldest, and most special to me…for that, I love you.