What I should be doing…

Something happened today that I feel I need to talk about. Each morning when I wake up I check my calendar (you know how much I love my calendar and planning)

written on today’s date written in “purple” pen was the following:

Last Day of Clinical at AAMC

Last Day in WHITE

Final exam Monday!

I should be preparing for my final exam. I should be done with my last group project. I should be getting ready for my final convocation. I should be preparing for the biggest exam of my life. I should be going on interviews for nursing jobs, and thinking about what the future will hold. I should be preparing to start my BSN program. I should be ready to have my husband come home for good. I should be ready to finally start our adult life together.

Today, I should have been excited to say that it was my last day of clinical. I should be posting pictures of my last day wearing my “whites”

The words that are written above I wrote on May 4, 2016.  I finally got to do most of those things. When the depression took over, I felt like I was blocked, cut off from what I was supposed to be doing.

Today, almost one year later from writing those words, I wake from my slumber each day hoping that the nightmare is over. I wake each day hoping that the past year has been a dream. I wake each day hoping that all of this is for a purpose. I have dedicated my life to others. I simply just want to know what my purpose really is, and that all of the heartache is for a reason.

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