This morning as I wake early to work on an assignment for school. I as normal had some issues staying focused. I was gonna take my ADD meds but . . . I have to sleep today so I can work tonight. This could be a problem. If I don’t take my meds I may never be able to focus and finish my post before I have to lay back down to nap; oh, I have an appointment this morning I need to take that into consideration.
Reflection: Stress makes my ADD worse, knowing that the man who has been in my life for the past 23 years as my father is having heart surgery on Friday has added to my stress, fear, and anxiety. Knowing that I can not ease the stress, fear, and anxiety Steve is feeling for his Dad; heartbreaking.
This morning I woke up feeling guilty. I woke up with the dreaded feeling knowing that I have bills that need to be paid, money that needs to be found to pay for life-saving medication for my husband; I don’t know where the money is going to come from.
Reflection: Deciding last night to spend some much needed time with my bestie and spend my last $40 on dinner and a movie that provided laughter, stress relief, reconnection with myself as “Cheryle” still feels like the right choice.
I don’t know how I am going to do it all. I don’t know how I will keep my house, I don’t know how I will find a way to keep my body going before surgery is no longer “when I can find the time and money to do it” I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep going. All I can do is try…