In the days, weeks, and months ahead.

 

Often I think about how funny life is. I reflect on the choices I have made in the past. I think about the people who have come and gone from my life. I think about the people who have come and gone from my heart. I think back to the days when life was carefree and easy. I remember the laughs, inside jokes, and the times that made me feel alive.

I often think about the people in my life past and present. The people who have helped to shape the person that I am today.  It does not matter how long or short someone touches your life, the moment that you meet them, you are forever changed.  Every day you meet new people, in line at the bank, standing to wait for your coffee. Even if you don’t share more than a glance or smile. When you are driving to work, you stop at red light and glance to your left and right (I know you do, don’t deny it). You think even for an instant “hmm he needs a hair cut” or “that music is too loud” or “heeeelllllooooo hotness”. The thoughts form even if they are not in your conscious mind. Then the light turns green and you are off again going about your day, moving on to the next person.

The people that you work with, customers that you take care of, even if you move on never to think of them again, they impacted your life or better yet you impacted their life. The kindness that you showed, the way you made them feel. They carried something with them from your interaction.

Thinking about the people who have impacted my life over the past 39 years…

The special people whom I hold near and dear to my heart. The ones who are no longer with me, but will never really leave me. I can still hear the voices and the laughter of our final conversations we shared. Our final goodbye’s, promises that were made and the ones that did not get the final words spoken to me. The lessons that I learned from the aging men, who fought for our freedom. The stories of lost love, forbidden love and the children they left behind. The funny stories that I will never forget and the history lessons I did not even know I was learning.

Those people who are special enough to find a place in my heart.  Imagine tiny drawers with initials on the front of each with a small golden keyhole.  Each person that you let into your heart earns a drawer and a golden key.  The golden key is special to each person who possesses it. Some drawers I  had to lock knowing it could never be opened again,  while some are locked not by me but the key holder.  The hardest part is when the drawer is left open and the key is lost. It’s like an ache that will never go away.

I started to think about the people who make up my technicolor quilt of life. The living, breathing hmmm that surrounds me. I have bright vibrant patches, and dark gray ones alike. The patches on my life quilt make me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow. It keeps me warm when I am cold, the rain off my face when it is storming and wipes the tears from my eyes.

I think of the people whom I have cared for over the many years. The faces, families young and old alike. I think about how the short time they spend in my care somehow made a difference. I look at the people who have told me “I don’t know how you do what you do” I think of the people who have thanked me for being me. I think of the people who have changed me. I think of the people who have walked away from me, with no reason or excuse. Why do these particular people come to mind? That is easy, they are the ones who hurt me the most.

I think of the people who have changed me. I think of the people who have walked away from me, with no reason or excuse. Why do these particular people come to mind? That is easy, they are the ones who hurt me the most. I have had many people that I have let get too close to my heart and broke it without even realizing it.

I think of my mentors, professors, teachers who believed in me, supported me. I think of them because I know that I let them down. I think of the friends that I made along the way of my journey that I let down, the same ones who don’t know what to say when they see me. The ones who just can’t find the right words.

I just need to find away to….

 

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