Depression how deep did it go…

Over the last few days, I have been Looking over my “on this day…” on my Facebook feed. I am reminded of this time last year when I was at the start of my deep depression. I held the smiling mask for months over my tear streaked face, so the world world did not see. I faced the hardest part of recovery, law suit, hardest most painful days and nights not just physically but mentally.

I faced issues in all aspects of my life, home, work, school and every bit that came with it. Physical pain, mental anguish, nightmares, flashbacks, solitary nights, I could go on .

My public face stayed positive, high spirited but internationally I was in a deep dark place that even I did not recognize being in. It took months before my amazing doctor who sat in the chair across from me while I entered into a complete ugly cry, over one simple question “how are you?”. He took one look at me and said “your depressed.” Those words started another round of melt down. Why did I not recognize the symptoms or signs? Why did no one else? Was I that good at masking? 

Depression, it is the silent killer no one wants to talk about. It’s the silent lover that tears marriages apart. It’s the silent bearer that comes between friends and loved ones.

After a year I still battle with depression and generalized Anxiety disorder. It is a daily struggle that for me day I hope win the battle.

Team, thanks for being you!!

 

Cheers!

 

How are really feel about it

Life is a competition, yet I am not interested in Competing with anyone.

I am running my own marathon. I am not running against anyone but time. I am not interested in being better than anyone else. I am honest, strait forward, and put others before myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am loyal to a fault. I am sensitive to others feelings, over my own. I think before I speak, and know how to swallow my pride for the sake and feelings of others. This does not make me a “door mat” to be walked on and taken advantage of. This does not make me weak.

I have faced death. I know the feeling of being within inches of loosing my husband. I have felt the feeling that I was going to die. I value my friendships, because I know in a moments notice life can change and you can die.

I did not and do not compete in school with classmates.
I do not compete at work with anyone.
I do not compete with my family.
I do not compete with my friends.
I am not interested…I have enough of my own struggles to worry about beating others at the game of life.

I believe in forgive and forget, counting on each other for support. Over the years, I have lost family and friends for silly reasons, miscommunication, and simple pride.

Simply my thoughts for the day.

 

Cheers Cheryle