Fathers Day letter to my Dad:

 

Dear Dad,

Since today is Fathers Day, I wanted to write you this letter, for it contains my Fathers Day gift to you.

I was born on June 24, 1977, and you got the most precious gift of all, me. A beautiful, baby girl with brown eyes and little wisps of hair on top of my head. You were given a gift that something that some men would love to have but never will, a daughter. You were given chance after, chance, time and time again. You could have shared so much, of my life. You could have held my hand when I got my heart broken for the first time. You could have been there when I lost my best friend to tell me it would be ok. You did get to see one great accomplishment, you were able to see me Graduate from High School. I only know because you dropped the photo book off a few weeks later. You could have taught me to drive a car. You could have been there the day Steve asked for my hand in marriage. You could have been there, to walk me down the isle, and dancing with me on my wedding day. You could have been there the day we picked up the keys to our first home. You could have been there when I burnt my first Thanksgiving dinner. You could have come to see our first Christmas tree. You could have been one of the first visitors in our new house. I could have called you the day; I almost lost my best friend and husband. You could have hugged me and told me, “everything was going to be ok” even if you did not know it would be. I could have called you to tell you that I got accepted to the Nursing program, and could have cried to you the day I failed. You could have come to the hospital the day, I almost died. You could have hugged me when I was so depressed; I did not think I could live another day.  You should have been standing in the crowd this May when I graduated from college. You should have done so many things that Dad’s should do.

Over and over, time and time again I did my best to fit into your new life. I spend years trying to fit into your new family. All the years you should have been watching me grow into the woman that I am today. All the times you were being the best husband to your new wife. The perfect Step-dad to your new children. Think of all the firsts you experienced with your grandchildren, becoming the best grandparent they could ever ask for. All that time, you missed out on being my dad.

Father’s Day is such a hard day for me, ever since I was 14 years old, you see that was the first official fathers day without you in my life. You see I was just 13 years old the day, you left me crying on the swing in our back yard because I just was not mature enough at the time to understand. I was 3 years old, when you said, “you were unhappy”. I lived many years blaming myself for your unhappiness. So many harsh words have been spoken, so many feelings have been hurt. The scars run too deep to ever go away. The pain that has been buried so deep inside, sometimes come to the surface hurt all over again.

I want you to know that each year on Fathers Day, I still give you a gift. Each year for Fathers Day you receive a gift from your first daughter. It is the only gift that I can give you that does not hurt me. Your gift is your new family. I want you to enjoy this day with your family. I want you to spend the day with your grandchildren, step-children, and wife. I want them to celebrate you. I want them to know the man that I never got a chance to meet. I want them to know the father you can be, the face in the crowd when they hit that home run. I want them to know the sound of your voice, your laugh and the secrets to life as only you can tell it. You see, each year on Fathers Day, I do think of you, and I give you that very special gift knowing that that gift will last you all year.

Being a parent is more than the good times, happy celebrations and cheering from the stands. Being a parent is sticking it out good times and bad. Hard times and hardest of times. Being a parent is about knowing that, adult issues and problems have nothing to do with your two children.   When you decided to become a parent, you signed a lifetime contract that may require you to help me when I am short on money to pay a bill. You may be required to put up with my bad attitude because I have been up for 3o plus hours because of work and school.

So, Dad, I guess what I am saying is that this letter is for you. I am sure that someone will direct it to you. You also may never read the words that I have written, that is ok too.

Happy Fathers Day,

Cheryle

 

Emotionless
Hey dad
I’m writing to you
Not to tell you, that I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart
Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your son?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we’re all right?
But we’re all right
We’re all right
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not okay,
But we’re alright
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now, I’m writing just to let you know that I’m still alive
The days I spent so cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
Those scars run deep inside this tattooed body
There’s things I’ll take, to my grave
But I’m okay
I’m okay
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not okay,
But we’re all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now, I’m writing just to let you know that I’m still alive
Yeah, I’m still alive
Sometimes
I forgive
Yeah and this time
I’ll admit
That I miss you, said I miss you
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not okay,
But we’re all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now, I’m writing just to let you know that were still alive
And sometimes
I forgive
And this time
I’ll admit, that I miss you, miss you
Hey dad