I have been having days that I just feel like the world is closing in on me. I have days that I feel like the darkness is like a never ending down pour of endless blackness. Yet, I still move forward. I smile, even when I don’t want too. I still think of others even when I don’t want too. I do my job even when I don’t want too. I even have time to care for others even when I don’t want too. I look for the silver lining in the dark storm clouds. I look for the rainbow after the storm has past. I keep taking each hit to the gut, that feels like a baseball bat, over and over and over… I endure the pain, heartache and the darkness. Yet, I still move forward.
The past week has been particularly hard for me. I have had hit, after hit after hit…I have felt like giving up a few times. I have wanted to crawl into a hole and let the darkness take me. I have wanted to simply give up the fight and say…”WORLD YOU WIN!”
We live in an ugly world and yet I still try to see the good in people. I try to find the small shimmer of light. I believe in doing the right thing, showing respect and earning respect. Looking out for your fellow man, saying “hello” “good morning” and “good bye”. I say that not everyone is looking to “get” you….. I am not so sure about that anymore.
I can not even describe the pain, fear and hurt that I feel. I can not begin to tell you the reasons I feel this way. I just want to give up…
Then, just as I am about to do that someone says to me:
“You inspire me. I wanted to give up so many times, but I think about you. If Cheryle can keep going then I know I can too.”
“It’s because of you, I decided to go back to school. With all you have been through you keep going”
“I read your story. I am amazed at the love that you share with your husband. You two have been through trials and tribulations and still look for anything positive.”
“You’re one of the reasons I’ve been able to be somewhat successful. When shit comes down I know, it’s nothing like what Cheryle deals with and she keeps trucking along”
“You know this will pass and it will all be ok”
“we are here for you”
The people who have said these things to me are family, friends and comments from strangers. I am thankful to have those people and all of you on my side. So, I know that I have to keep going, fighting, and pushing through each and every day. I have to get up, get dressed, and face the day. The monsters will only win if you let them. I am choosing not to let them win. I may not have much left when the fight is done. I may not be more than a shell of a human by the end of the day, but I will say that I fought bravely and true of heart.
The wisdom that I will pass down from this weeks post is this:
Even if you want to throw in the towel, You Can’t.
Even when life is the hardest and you want to give up, You Can’t.
When you have $5.00 left in the bank, you simply need to be happy, that $5.00 will cover a few cups of coffee so you will be warm.
You can never give up, no matter what…Keep following your dreams. Keep reaching for the stars. Keep going after what you want…knowing that one day it will be worth it.
NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
i have nothing left to give
i have given all I can
i have given my body to be hurt
i have given my mind to be broken
i have give my money to be paid
i have given my time, that I will never get back
i have given my heart that will never heal
i have nothing left to give
i have nothing left for me